File This One Away

I needed a laugh, got one, and thought I'd share it.

(For the record, this day blows. Not hard, just enough to irritate me. All the busy work I've been praying for over the last four months has fallen down on us at once, and I'm balls-to-the-wall. Not anyone else, mind you - just me. I'm doing the work of three or four people, which was just enough to keep me busy eight hours a day, and now these little stupid time-consuming projects come along and I have to go from being mind-bogglingly bored to staying late. Isn't there some sort of middle ground here?!)

Anyway, enjoy this - feel free to print it out and put it with your important documents. I did.

LIVING WILL

I,_________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won't ever get better.

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children, and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the health, education and future of the millions of Americans who aren't in a permanent coma.

Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case.

I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge for their run for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish that they play politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die in peace.

I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own business, too.

If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his or her existence a living hell.

_______________________________________
Signature

____________________________________
Witness