I'm Bound To Hit On It Eventually...

More from the Institute for Creative-Minded Birthday Plans:

1. Stripper lessons like Natalie Portman had before she shot Closer (that wouldn't so much be a gift for me, though...)
2. Llama wrangling (someone suggested "rodeo", but that didn't really have any oomph)
3. Stalk John Travolta at his property in Ocala - force him to do The Hustle while singing "I'm a Soul Man"
4. Shoot a home movie in the style of Jackie Chan, complete with car chase where we fling ourselves into the moving vehicle of someone neither of us knows
5. Swim with the alligators (because swimming with the dolphins wouldn't be enough for this guy)
6. Pose for our own wax figures at Madame Tussaud's (okay, it's not that exciting, but wouldn't it be cool to have your own life-sized wax figure?)
7. Florida snow-skiing (this equates to standing still on the beach with palm fronds lashed to one's feet)
8. Driving one of the older cars off the pier in Clermont into the lake, collect insurance money (both an adventure and a way of solving the pesky "what if I can't sell the car" problem)
9. Speedo-stuffing