An Explanation

To anyone who has ever questioned my fixation with finding a proper garden gnome: they're just cool. I mean, come on, didn't you see Amelie? It has to be stone, not plastic, and painted the acceptable garden gnome colours (red pointy hat, green coat, white beard, rosy cheeks). It should just be standing, looking cute - no poses or silliness. I do have a few cute molded plastic gnomes, one of which my mother purchased before a trip to Italy and toted all over the country with her, taking photos of the gnome in compromising positions, interesting places, and with curious-looking people.

But the best reason to have a real stone gnome is because a plastic gnome could never take down an intruder.

Best Granny quote ever: "When it hit him he lay down for a while. I got my rolling pin in case. I didn't want to break another gnome."