Gee, InStyle, You're A Lifesaver

I almost bought this month's InStyle magazine, nearly allowing myself to get hooked by the "175 Great Gift Ideas!" teaser on the cover. But I didn't. But someone else did, and they left it on the lunch table at work.

Among other things, some of InStyle's suggestions include a $565 Dooney & Burke carry-on for Mom, a $395 Blackberry for Dad/Him, and a $750 silver cuff from Hermes for Sister/Friend.

Dear InStyle: I really hate to break it to you, but if you can be purchased at the checkout aisle of a K-Mart, you are not a high-end magazine. Oh, and you can disguise it with a slash mark all you want, but you know you were trying for "Sista-Friend" and you realized you couldn't quite pull it off at the last minute and decided to play it cool. Nice try.

On to more important notes - if I had $750 to spend on a silver bracelet for a friend, would I really NEED your help coming up with gift ideas at all?! No! Hell, of course I'd love to shower Travis and my parents and Jessi with thousands of dollars worth of delectable gadgets and accessories...unfortunately, I didn't quite get around to robbing that series of convenience stores this fall like I'd planned.

No, InStyle, I don't need you to tell me that Travis would really love a video iPod for Christmas. I KNOW that. I don't need you to hint that Mom would love these diamond drop earrings. Who WOULDN'T? But you know what I need from you this Christmas, InStyle? I need you to tell me where I can find a quirky vase made out of recycled Christmas ornaments for $8.50. That's what I need from you.

I mean, honestly!