It Works!

My new happy - the Judge asked to see me, and gave me extremely kind and unprompted words of encouragement. He's glad I'm disappointed, because that tells him that I wanted it. I'm a great worker on a great track, and he named other people who have had excellent careers in the Court, saying I was following in those footsteps. I am buoyed. Because if I have to do something for a living while I wait for my big break (which may never come, or may be right around the corner...), I might as well excel at it.

Meanwhile...I LOVE my Soundtrack for 2005! (See previous post...) I popped that in to curb my pissiness, which I am attempting to bottle up for use later as Aldonza, and it is all I can do not to crank "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" as loud as it will go and dance on my desk. And I swear to GOD every insanely apropos word of "A Praise Chorus" by Jimmy Eat World just fills me with joy and hope. Ahh, "Beautiful Day" just came on. That song was good before, but now it reminds me of Mike and Tracey's wedding and that wonderful moment where Mikey and I hugged and cried and it was just one of the best moments of 2004.

I'm feeling so manic - but I'm completely determined to be a person who isn't brought down by the disappointments that are bound to come along in my job. (It is important, as I need it to sustain life - but in the scale of things that make my life valuable... Let me say it this way: in Buddhist principle, I am following the fold of "Right Livelihood", but it is not that alone which will keep me on an enlightened path.)

But then when we get the 40-minute call, I have to put in my "What, Then?!" mix of angry music that gets me into the Aldonza zone. Seems such a pity to waste my cheerfulness. Music is so important in both my life and my development - every character I've played has a pre-show CD. I still listen to Brooke's "Airhead's Delight" mix pretty frequently.