Game Over.

My day was simply going too well.

Ring.
"This is Alyson."
"Can you come to my office?"
"Certainly."
...
"Close the door, please."
Great employee, tough choice, if you keep growing, blah blah blah. Please keep this to yourself until we make an announcement.

The announcement was made, and it appeared mostly seniority-based. Which I had been told was not the way things were done. Even the incumbents to positions (already trained, seemed like a lock) were both left out. Very strange indeed.

Taking on so much extra responsibility, trying so hard to be exemplary. Thinking that everyone's encouragement meant anything. Clearly I need to mature a little before I can expect promotions - because I shouldn't be reacting so strongly. This is a part of the process - one must suffer small failures to achieve success...I must take it in stride and be good at this, not because I truly love it, but because going above and beyond is what I do. This job does not define me...it is not who I am. Who I am is a performer - that is what I love. And I have to be a performer here, too.

It's the same thing I hate about auditioning, though - that moment where someone behind a desk tells you that you're really great, just not quite great enough for this particular thing.

Leaves me feeling like I shouldn't have even tried. I must not let this spoil my lovely theatre high - this must be a good day. My life is not good because of the big things - engagements, promotions, boyfriends, income, a house. It is good because of the small things - a well-sung note, a drawing from a young girl, a soft smile from a friend that tells me I'm loved - even my direct supervisor calling me into her office, hugging me, and telling me to keep at it because she thinks I'm great. Those things are far more valuable to me, and make my life worth living. I wouldn't trade it.