Must...Entertain

Ah, the guilt. I feel the need to post something other than the crap I hit you with earlier, so here's hoping that there's something in here that you find at least mildy interesting or amusing:

It's the Texas in me, I know, but I still get a little boost when I see a tall man in crisp, pressed blue jeans and a cowboy hat walking down the street. He doesn't have to be young or good-looking - even if it's a middle-aged guy with nothing particularly studly going on, he'll still get a smile out of me.
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My morning routine usually involves some amount of self-scrutinization in front of the mirror, after which I always determine that this, that, and these areas need to be tightened up. But then at some point during the day, I catch a glimpse of myself in a reflective surface (the elevator mirrors, the glass doors to my building) and think "God, I'm really getting a little skinny." I wonder if I have a body-image problem?
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Speaking of elevators - I love the elevators at work. No matter how good or bad I look, the lighting in there makes me look FANTASTIC. I want to have my headshots done in those elevators.
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There's a wiring or outlet problem in the house that has to be sorted out before I can have a phone. So I have a gate that must remain locked at all times, a non-functioning doorbell, and no phone. Hope no one was planning to call or visit. You know, why don't I just pitch a tent and live in the damned woods?

Nah, it won't be that bad. As for the gate - there will be a key hidden somewhere, because I'll be damned if I'm going to run out and unlock the gate every time someone decides to come by. Which I estimate will be once every four months.
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Prepare yourself for my favourite part of this post:

M&Ms is launching a new line - the Mega M&M. (I am not making this up.) Apparently there was a need in the market for a more "adult" M&M, so they made them 55% bigger and in colours that "appeal" to adults. The colours? Teal, beige, maroon, gold, brown, and blue-grey.

Okay, not only do I resent that as an adult, I must partake of more sophisticated candy than children do (if I really agreed with that, I'd spend a lot more time sucking up dark chocolate hazelnut starfish or some BS at Godiva), but seriously? Blue-grey? Maroon? Brown? BEIGE, for God's sake? Who wants to eat BEIGE candy?! (And the beige/gold thing throws me off - it's candy, so I'd think that beige and gold would be pretty comparable.)

There is not any part of me that wants to eat a gigantic beige piece of chocolate. And I do not appreciate the assumption that as an adult, I want my candy to colour-coordinate with the used-car lot of a Buick dealership.