How Do I Say This Without Seeming Negative?

I guess I should address Gina's question as to whether I like living in my new place.

No.

Now I have to clarify.

It is peaceful, it is beautiful, it is closer to the theatres and many of my friends and Travis and (this was key) Super Target than I was in Apopka.

But it's just not my home.

My animals are in it, I'm in it, my bed is in it. A few boxes are in it.

I've been driving about four hours a day for the last week, Apopka to downtown, downtown to Apopka, Apopka to Groveland and back, Groveland to downtown, downtown to Groveland to Apopka...if I didn't love my car so much, I'd HATE it.

I have no furniture, no food, no dishes...I have no TV, no Internet, no satellite (even if I had a TV), horrible cell reception, and no landline phone yet. (We're working on that problem, hopefully to be up and running by Thursday). I cannot make or receive phone calls from my cell for more than about two minutes. So at my most miserable and alone, I have a very hard time seeking comfort...but I really don't want to call anyone and complain either. (So I'll just do it here...nice.)

Will I settle in eventually and be just fine? Of course! But right now, the house is a big empty monument to Change, and I enjoy Change, but I always have trouble with Transition.

I think the problem is that I have no personal effects, no photographs on the walls or countertops, so I have nothing to turn to and make me smile. My animals are close, and soft, and wonderful, but they're also confused and I feel like a mother who's taken her children away from their home.

I am doing a fairly good job at not foisting this off on anyone else - for one, not calling Travis and begging him to come sit nearby until I struggle off to sleep.

I've never reacted this way about a move. It's definitely not just the move right now - but good Lord, I've cried most every day for a while, and for the past two hours, I haven't been able to stop. It's really just kind of annoying. I WANTED to move....I guess I just wish I'd done it a whole lot faster, like a Band-Aid, than this thing that's turning into a four-month process. Ugh.

More than most anything, I feel horrible guilt at feeling like any of this is really that big of a deal with the giant shitstorm of terrible news and events that have befallen me and others around me.

Let me just end by saying that I'm going to be FINE, really, and I'm just in a very bad place right now, not just because of this situation - there are other much larger factors right now affecting my state of mind, but this is the one I'm willing to talk about, so let's put it all on this, okay? Humor me.

If I was a superhero, I'd want the power to provide instant comfort to the lives of everyone I love so much...and if I had a little left over for me, I'd take a bit....

Okay, I have to gather up some things here, then head back to Groveland to cuddle up with Roosevelt (Indiana's hiding in the closet and Little Bit's not allowed on the bed, which is the only piece of furniture I have to sit on...) and watch the DVD of Moonlight's production of Man of La Mancha. If you were in that, or associated with it in any way, please accept the warm fuzzy thought that the memory of your company is what's going to make me feel safe and happy tonight.