Wow, You're Not Nearly As Ugly As I Thought You'd Be!

It's amazing what you'll take as a compliment. My efforts to convince you all that I am a complete ogre appear to be working to my advantage.

I stepped on the scale this morning and weigh less than 140 pounds for the first time since high school. (Mind you, in high school I was two inches shorter than my current 5'9", and I think my all-time low was about 132.) This is all very thrilling for me - when stepping out of the shower yesterday I briefly glimpsed a skinny girl in the mirror, but then my eyes adjusted back to the old distorted self-image (I always seem to see myself at my heaviest no matter what I look like in real life.) I'll always rely on photos to ensure I don't lose too much weight - I never look at photos of myself and see me. Some recent shots came back and I was pretty taken with the smiling, happy, fairly svelte thing looking back at me. It's not in an unhealthy way - I got used to myself the way I was, learned to like it, and just haven't quite adjusted to the change. My new face will probably never catch up with me.

But, for those of you keeping track at home, that's a 12-pound weight loss in the six days since the surgery, with three to five weeks left to go on this liquid diet. I promise I'm putting away as many nutrients as I can stand to blend together.

I discovered Celebrity Poker Showdown yesterday - I still don't fully grasp the concept of poker, but that show is highly addictive. And Bonnie Hunt is funny as hell.

Okay, the big news for today - I'm venturing out into the world!! Other than my doctor's appointment on Friday, I have not left the house since returning home from the hospital on Wednesday - things have been a little spotty and it didn't seem to be a good idea to go gallavanting off into town and find myself wandering around woozy and exhausted and grousing about painkillers. But I'm nearly insane, and I need more little tiny toothbrushes, so a trip to Super Target is in order. (And to really test myself, I'm going to the one in Clermont.)

Oral hygiene is a pain in the ass of the highest degree. I can't open my mouth very wide, and it's very swollen in there, so brushing is a bit of a challenge to say the least. Add in the plastic splint (similar to a boxer's mouthguard) that's wired to my top teeth to help my jaws adjust to their new alignment, and you've got a very tedious process indeed. If I behave, the splint can come off in three weeks, so I'm doing my best - this thing is driving me crazy.

You know what would be an excellent form of torture? Deaden someone's lips and chin, wire their jaw shut, and offer them ice chips. When I was still in the hospital, they would not let me have water for the longest time because I kept getting nauseous. The nurse finally brought me a cup of ice chips and left. But my jaw was wired shut, so no problem - just slip the ice chip in between your teeth and lip and let it melt. Except my lips were (and still mostly are) completely numb, so I would carefully place an ice chip into that little area, and it would just fall out. This went on for about five minutes, with me near tears, getting more and more desperate for anything to dampen my mouth, and Travis trying his damndest to keep a straight face (and not succeeding) while offering to hold my mouth shut. The nurses probably had a camera in the room and were just piddling themselves with joy at their own cleverness. Jessi tells me the reenactment is priceless, so I'll have to share that with you if I get a chance.

Today I'm happy because Eric and Tracy stopped by yesterday after rehearsal, and even though I'm terribly boring at the moment, they stayed and kept me company for a little while.